FAMILY SECRETS  by Charlie jnr

 

Abstract
Raised to believe I was adopted by strangers, in order to hide the family shame, I discovered that I was biologically related to my adoptive parents and that my favourite aunt was in fact, my own mother. Whilst physical separation did not occur, my psychological separation had a profound affect on my life as I knew it.

 

FAMILY SECRETS

 

In this presentation I will speak of the trauma I went though as a result of finding out that my adoptive grandfather was in fact my natural father and uncle and my adoptive great-aunt was in fact my natural mother and auntie. My adoptive mother was in fact my half sister and full cousin.

 

Ø      I grew up thinking that I had been adopted by strangers who were not related to me and I was the third adopted child in a family of four.

 

Ø      As a child I spent most of my weekends  growing up with my grandfather, his wife, my great aunt, and  my grandmother who was the mother to both ladies. This situation stopped  when I was told I was adopted at the age of 9 and although I was shocked I did not feel as though I was a stranger and always felt as though I was a part of this family, and this was very confusing to me.

 

Ø      My relationship with my adoptive mother was more of a brother, sister relationship rather than a mother, son relationship. I did not understand this and it felt very strange. But I did have a very close bond with her. But on the other hand I just felt that I was part of a normal family who I loved and who loved me.

 

Out of all the family I felt very special as I was the only child out of the all family that the great aunt had a special bond with and each time I heard her voice or saw  her I became very excited and happy. She never missed my birthday and when we saw each other or spoke on the phone it was the best thing that happened to me.

 

Ø      As I grew into my teenage years I became very dysfunctional, a very isolated person who drank, took drugs and tried to commit suicide on many occasions. I wanted to know “just who I am, I am lost”

 

Ø      In each and every place I went looking for my family and looking for my mother.  At the age of 17, I gave my life to Jesus and became more settled in myself and gave up the drugs and still continued looking for my mother.

 

Ø      At the age of 25, a lady I met told me that my adoptive mother is actually my sister and her father is in fact my father as well, and her aunt is my mother. On finding this out I was in a state of disbelief, shock and became hysterical. I had no problem that my aunt was my mother or my adoptive mother was my sister, but my grandfather being my father was beyond my comprehension because of his wife being the aunt’s sister and he had been dead 11 years. My mind trying to understand this that if this was true he would have been 61 when I was born and my great aunt 37.  I was shocked at this and in a state of despair. My head was reeling trying to work out the complicated birth connections.

 

Ø      I later confronted my adoptive mother who denied the accusation of the revelation, she then wipes me, about 6 months later. We meet again and after emotional reunion. I then went into denial and thought that I was totally wrong.

 

Ø   A week later I then found out my true relationship with these people, when I confront my great-grandmother, she breaks down and cries and asks for my forgiveness and tells me that I am her real blood grandson Charlie Jacky. We both sat and cried together and then she had me ring my great aunt where I tell her off, unbeknown to her the reason why.

 

After I hung up the phone I knew that I had done the wrong thing to her. I have lost her from my reactions towards her and I have not seen her for the past 11 years.

 

At that point I wanted to die because my grandfather had been dead for 11 years and to know that he was my father and aunt, my mother whom l love and adored and who loved me so much, was lost to me because of the way I spoke to her on the phone.

 

Ø      Since that point in time I have suffered a roller-coaster ride of emotions resulting from the confusions of the events that have happened in my life. At the age of 32 I was stuck down and diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis and a total mental breakdown from the events that happened with my grandmother telling me what she told me.

 

Ø      From 1991 until the year 2002 my mind has been in utter turmoil and devastation verging on madness.  The only thing keeping me going was the constant contact with people and with the connection with the Pentecostal Church where they prayed for me trying to help me come to terms with this trauma.

 

The only way I can describe what I was going though, was like a hounding and pounding in my brain verging on an explosion in my head and my stomach was in a constant state of turmoil. I would go thought stages where I could not eat, and would vomit constantly.

 

My nights were spent getting in and out of bed pacing though the house, drinking coffee, smoking non-stop and popping pain killers until they made me sick, trying to get rid of the hounding and pounding inside my head. I rang places like Lifeline, Dial a Mum, Salvation Army, Adoption Triangle, any one who I thought could help me understand what was happening to me. The only way I can describe this was total madness

 

I went from counsellors to psychiatrists; GPs and any field of mental health agency who I thought could help me come to some realisation of what I was actually dealing with.

 

From 1991 I still continued to have a relationship with my adoptive family but even though I knew who they were I could not deny the revelation of my grandmother and could not see them as my adoptive family anymore but my real blood family. To keep the family happy I pretended to them that nothing had changed.

 

I still saw them physically in myself for who they really were, my real blood family in spite of their denial of my true identity.

 

In August of the year 2000 In order to reclaim my sanity I reclaimed my true identity publicly and to my family, and they still continued to deny the truth.

 

In the year 2001 on Mothers Day I made a stand for my great aunt as my real mother    

In this, it finally set me free, then the whole family wiped me for making my stand. On doing this my Multiple Sclerosis start to get better and from 1998 to the year 2002 with having MS I was suffering with pins and needles, blurred vision, double vision, bladder and bowel problems. I was in a wheel-chair in the beginning then a walking stick, on needles everyday eventually going to every second day as well as the prescribed medication.

 

In order to find my life I had to lose the life I had been living, which was a life founded on lies and In the year 2002 on January 11th, I changed my adoptive name and reclaimed my original name Charlie Jacky Edwards Jnr.

 

 I was prayed for. I re-dedicated my life to Jesus to go to the party in Heaven and not to go to the BBQ in Hell and I was healed from MS since then I have not been on any medication for my condition.

 

I am as happy as can be and in time to come I believe my mother will come forward and reclaim me as her son, and even though I thought I was adopted because she put a different name to whom she is she has always been my mother without me knowing and then the family will acknowledge the truth and find the peace that I have found and they will be the family that they should have been before the family secrets destroyed our lives.

 

Many people have said to me how could you put up with this deception and I say to them Jesus opened this Pandora’s box so that I could know myself and I love my family and looking back I was treated like the real part of the family without me knowing the truth and that is what I am living in today.